Attraction is a physical response. You feel it. You look at someone, or hear his or her voice, and the reaction is immediate. In one case it can be mild. In another, it can be quite strong, and in yet another it can be intense.
Somehow (and nobody quite knows how), we’re each “imprinted” at an early age — possible as young as three and possibly as old as eight or nine — with the imprint that leads to attraction later in life.
You seem to have a mental picture of the person who is just “right” for you. Not only is there a picture, but also there is an imprint for the “right” sound of the voice, the tone, and the pace. You’re imprinted not only with picture and sound, but odor, taste, and feel.
Your senses are on the lookout for matches with your “right” person. Your internal screen automatically scans each person (of the right gender for you), and you are alerted when you see, hear, or meet (or smell, touch, or taste), someone who matches some of the features for which you are imprinted. The closer that person comes to matching your imprint, the more intense the feeling you get.
A complete match is not necessary for attraction. Just one or two key variables may be enough to give you the feeling of being attracted. That is quite enough to start the process toward courting, infatuation, bonding, and coping.
But what a wonderful, delightful, and exciting event it is to discover someone who matches many of the variables — especially important ones. (You probably have one or two key variables in your imprint that are extra important to you.)
How wonderful it is to discover such a person when you are without a partner, and you are old enough and settled enough to be ready for a relationship. How great the disappointment to find that this marvelous person is already taken, or is not attracted to you.
That, however, is the way the game often goes. It seems that such people are easy to find when you already have a partner, or when you are too young.
The frustration comes from finally being available — with an open window — and not immediately finding a person who “rings your bell.” The frustration can even be greater if you do find the person, and he or she is not available, or is not attracted to you. That simply means that you do not have the characteristics with which that person was imprinted.
Here are some of the variables that are important to different people. A few of these may be critical variables to you, but each is critical to someone.
Hair: length, type (curly, straight, long, short), color, texture
Now, have some fun discovering some of the things that attract you. Find out what you are imprinted for. Bring to mind two different people to whom you have felt attraction. Go over the list above and see which items were similar between the two.
Next, take a third person and go over the list again. If you have items that match on three people, the odds are good that those items are part of your imprinting. If there is a resounding “yes” for you on any one item, then that item is important to you.
Good news and bad news about attraction: the good news is that you’ll be attractive to some people — for one or another of your characteristics — no matter how attractive or unattractive you think you are. Your vote doesn’t count. People will be attracted to you (or not) regardless of what you think about your attractiveness.
The bad news is that you’ll find yourself attracted to some people who match your imprint, but you’ll not match theirs. You can’t help it. They can’t help it. That’s just the way it is.
The really great news about attraction is that it's only purpose is to begin a relationship and lead to courting. The other person doesn't need to be attracted to you. Once courting begins, if you bring your partner interest, attention, affection, and maybe a little romance, you'll become much more attractive to your partner. Attraction isn't only skin deep. Each of us is also imprinted to find many other things attractive that can only be discovered during the courting-dating process. As a result, once courting begins mutual attraction grows.
If you want to learn more about problems with attraction, join the forum where you'll have complete access to the entire metamating series. The series has a whole book on troubleshooting attraction issues. Also, of course, you can pose your specific questions to the forum and get answers from your forum mates and relationship experts.
© 2005 Visionary Publications, Inc. All Rights Reserved